3 Nephi 11: 6-11

6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

8 And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.

9 And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:

10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.

11 And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning.

 

Rewrite:

6 After the voice had spoken for the third time, the people understood it, and it said to them:

7 Here is my Beloved Son. I am proud of him and his actions towards me and my name. Listen to him.

8 As they understood, the people looked towards heaven, and saw a Man coming down. He was dressed in a white robe, and stood with the people. Everyone looked to him, yet no one spoke or knew for sure what his presence meant. They thought he might be an angel coming to them.

9 He extended his hand and said to the people:

10 I am Jesus Christ. The prophets testified I would come to the world.

11 I am the light and the life, an example for the world. I have faced sorrows and pains and sufferings by fulfilling Heavenly Father’s Plan, and as a result, have fulfilled His plan and purpose. I have taken the sins of the people so all might live again. I have been chosen since the beginning for this purpose.

 

Rewriting these verses for clarity enabled them to have a more literal translation. But to me, so much of the meaning is lost. They are not as poetic, and I feel that poetry has a unique style that enables more meaning to be gained. In the top, I feel a sense of surety and peace, and I understand the profound nature of the event. In the rewritten version, it sounds too modern, too carefree. It does not convey the same meaning or tone of importance as the original does. The original contains a sense of awe, while the rewrite seems to take all feeling out. In order to rewrite these verses, I felt that I had to add more words to get a similar tone and meaning across, even though the original has more words in it. The rewrite needed more words for clarification, and while some can be taken as a rewrite for multiple phrases from the original, the original feels clearer and more succinct.

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